I used to enjoy air travel, but now it's becoming a hassle. First, either I'm getting bigger or the seats are getting smaller. Have you had that experience? Second, I'm discovering big dogs in the cabin.
And I miss the intercom humor of airline personnel. For example, I remember a captain announcing on People Express, “We have reached our cruising altitude. Feel free to move about the aircraft, but please stay inside the plane until we land. It’s cold outside, and also if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.” Or, “folks, we’ll be dimming the lights to enhance the appearance of our flight attendants.” Yes, I say, bring back the humor.
The word of God carries us back in our imaginations to the wisdom literature of ancient Israel, the Book of Proverbs. This book has about 375 wise sayings about how to live and behave. Our grandparents probably had plenty of these wise sayings. Remember: haste makes waste; a stitch in time saves nine; measure twice cut once.
The biblical author personifies wisdom as a woman who oversees the mysteries of the universe; in her hands are the secrets of life. In this passage, Wisdom sets a table with delicious foods and fine wines. At this table we can nourish our souls with true wisdom. This wisdom distinguishes what’s important in life from what’s unimportant, so that we can realize the best version of ourselves, our true purpose: to be in relationship with God and one another forever.
The author may be asking whether we have our priorities straight: do we seek first the things of God; do we nourish a good relationship with God and the people who touch our lives every day. If not, how will we mend those relationships now?
Paul in his letter to the Christian community at Ephesus in Turkey invites us to live a life worthy of our calling, always thanking God. Don’t act like fools, Paul writes. Make the best of every opportunity.
Here’s a quote that always re-energizes me: “I shall pass through this world but once: any good that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now, let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again.” In other words, seize every opportunity to do something good for others.
In the Gospel according to John, Jesus speaks of himself as the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread and drinks from this cup, Jesus says, abides in God and God abides in them. The mystery of the indwelling of God in us!
For the last three weekends the Gospels have proclaimed that Jesus is our living bread. But the Jews have been quarreling among themselves about Jesus. In fact, Jesus is often presented in the Gospels arguing with or confronting critics about who He is or what He’s teaching.
We too, like Jesus, face conflicts or confrontations in our daily lives. Such arguments are not only inevitable; they can lead to even better relationships. Yes, a time of disagreement can be an opportunity to clear the air, to get back on course, to strengthen a relationship.
Some people try to avoid conflict. They think nice people don’t get angry, don’t argue. But didn't Jesus get angry? Didn't he argue? In fact, arguments can be positive experiences. Let me highlight some “guidelines” for arguing fairly:
1. When we have a bone to pick, set up a time to settle the matter as soon as possible. Why? We don’t want to bottle up anger indefinitely. Setting an agreeable time and a quiet place also allows us to cool off and sort out the real issue.
2. Define carefully the particular behavior we have a problem with. Many arguments get sidetracked because people are unable to address the real issue. We might ask ourselves: What do I really object to? Is it worth arguing about? Am I reacting unreasonably? For example, when I have to clean up someone else’s mess, it’s more work for me. And always make “I” statements rather than “you” statements. “I” statements avoid name calling (like “You’re inconsiderate”), avoid generalizations (like “You never think of anyone else”) and avoid abusive language (like “Listen, you airhead”). And don't forget it’s ok to agree to disagree.
3. Express your feelings honestly and thoughtfully. A wife whose husband was always late for dinner without letting her know showed her annoyance one night by leaving him a plate of dog food. She obviously was expressing her feelings, and fortunately her husband got the point and was good humored.
But disguising feelings, instead of expressing them honestly and directly and thoughtfully, can be dangerous. An angry person, for example, may give the silent treatment. But just as aches and pain in our bodies alert us to physical problems, feelings alert us to problems in our relationships. A feeling is neither good nor bad. It’s a fact. There’s nothing wrong with expressing feelings honestly and calmly and thoughtfully. I know, some of you may be thinking, if only it were that easy. But with feelings, calm and thoughtful honesty is the best policy.
4. Come up with creative solutions. The goal of any conflict or argument is to solve the problem in a manner agreeable to both parties. You may have a specific request that will resolve the issue. For example, to your teenager, how about playing your drums or trombone some time other than the middle of the night. Sometimes, we cannot think of a solution. Then we brainstorm together: the more ideas, the better. The important thing is to work together to solve the problem.
There are other so-called “guidelines” for arguing fairly. Actively listening, staying calm, agreeing to disagree and so forth.
St. Paul wrote, “Love does not brood over injuries.” All of us must be willing to forgive, apologize and get on with our lives. This of course is a two-way street.
But if we communicate regularly and do things together, we will create a climate of love, trust and R-E-S-P-E-C-T that will foster positive relationships. I can't help but think of Aretha Franklin's magical soul song “respect”; and her line “sock-it-to me”; may she rest in peace).
God knows we sometimes struggle in our earthly relationships. Daily prayer puts our hearts in the right place. If we’re ever in doubt, turn to Chapter 6 in the Gospel according to Luke, where Jesus advises:
“Be merciful, just as...your Father is merciful.
Stop judging and you will not be judged.
Stop condemning and you will not be condemned.
Forgive and you will be forgiven.”
