Recipes for Good Relationships

Dali's Sacrament of the Last Supper

Today's word of God from Amos, an eighth century BC prophet of Israel, challenges us to deal with people compassionately and fairly. Amos here speaks up against rigging prices, inflating currency, and cheating consumers. Too few were getting richer, he declared, and too many were getting poorer. Does that slogan sound familiar? Amos especially scolds those who are so greedy that they will even cheat the poor. Amos might ask us whether we treat people fairly and compassionately.

I would like to focus on a theme in Amos--relationships. And so let me begin with a movie titled "Babette's Feast," a 1987 Academy award winner from the book by Karen Blixen.

Babette, a Parisian chef, finds herself in a small Danish town where strict and puritanical religiosity makes people cold-hearted, wary of enjoying life. Babette wins a lottery and spends all her winnings to prepare a huge, delectable feast for the townspeople. As they begin to taste and enjoy the meal, they start to communicate good-naturedly. They even dance! The meal transformed themei into warm-hearted human beings.

Babette models self-giving, and elicits joy in people, a foretaste of heaven. The toast at the end captures, I think, why Pope Francis likes the film. Here's a paraphrase:

“There comes a time when your eyes are opened. And we come to realize…that mercy is infinite. We need only await it with confidence…and receive it with gratitude.”

As I thought about this movie, I began to ask about our own relationships, especially family relationships. Certain recipes nourish good relationships.

Happy families have a good sense of togetherness. They care for each other. They keep in touch; they’re hospitable and concerned. They celebrate special milestones. They set times to eat meals together and share good news as well as bad. They keep their word and thereby build trust. And importantly, they avoid negative name-calling and finger-pointing; that undermines a relationship. In the end, we may agree to disagree. That's OK.

St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians asks us to be imitators of God, to live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. Paul gives us, in chapters 4 and 5 especially, at least five ingredients:

• Be authentic, speak the truth, try to live a life of honesty and integrity.
• Be passionate about what's right. Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., for example, had a passionate hatred against discrimination that led him to champion civil rights. Jesus had a righteous anger about the money changers in the temple. Anger should result in righting wrongs.
• Paul encourages the Ephesians to get an honest job so that they can help others. Work in itself is useful, as well as giving resources to help others.
• Watch the way we talk. Have a positive, can-do attitude.  Be mentors and coaches. Words can build people up or tear them down. Use words for encouragement.
• Be gentle. Forgive one another as quickly as God forgives us. God's vision is a community of disciples welcoming all: especially people who need a place where forgiveness abounds. The church, to paraphrase Pope Francis, is a field hospital where wounds are healed.

With those ingredients, God can work wonders through us.

Best Friends Forever

DaVinci's Last Supper in Milan, Italy

It’s “back-to-school time.” I’m going to give you a 2-part quiz. Part 1:
Who were the last two teams to win the Super Bowl?
Name the two wealthiest people in the world (according to Forbes Magazine).
I didn’t get 100%. Now part 2:
Think of two teachers who made a difference for the better in your life.
Name two friends who helped you through a difficult time.
I bet you named people there.

The point is simple: we quickly forget "super bowl" headlines. However, we don't forget those “heroes and heroines” who mentored or coached us through challenges, and who helped us answer the question: what on earth am I here for.  That, my friends, is precisely what Jesus does: our way, our truth and our life.

In the Gospel according to John, Jesus says he is the bread of life who can transform us into new creatures. Elsewhere Jesus works a sign/a wonder: he multiplies the loaves and fish, sharing with the hungry crowd.

As a community of disciples, Jesus satisfies our spiritual hunger at the table of the Lord with the bread of life, the Eucharist.

Jesus is our rabbi/teacher who shows us purpose in life, to live in relationship with Gode and one another forever.  He is our trustworthy friend who is always with us especially as we face challenges. And he's our mentor who graces us so that we can become the best version of ourselves.

This living Christ invites us, so says John 15:15, to be “friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father.”

Now, what is a friend? I recently came across a survey of 800 so-called young millennials. The results gave a snapshot of a lonely generation. Many had a large number of “Facebook friends” but still felt a sense of loneliness. Social media, of course, is no substitute for real, face-to-face friendships.

The Bible is very realistic about friendships. We see examples of relationships at their best, and also at their worst.

For me, friendships include at least three ingredients. First, partnerships. Jesus sent his disciples out two by two. From the beginning of Christianity, we see friends working together. Paul and Barnabas, for example, “dedicated their lives ... to Jesus Christ.” We read they had a disagreement, parted company. But in the providence of God, Barnabas found a new partner in Mark, Paul partnered with Silas, and they went “through Syria and Cilicia, bringing strength to the churches.” (Acts 15:41). Yes, value partnerships, in marriage, in work, in the community.

Second, nurture friendships. Martin Luther King Jr. gave some good advice about how to do this, reminding us: “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.” Absolutely true in nurturing friendships.

Finally, make loyalty a priority.  If we sow loyalty, we will reap loyalty. We will even become trustworthy among those who aren't our friends.

Above all, think of Jesus as our best friend, soulmate and confidant, our kindly light forever.